erin

tell me u love me not so i can tell the flower pedal its a lieing bastard

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 22:16:35 GMT

ok long update so school has started and its just the way i want it. my classes arent that bad minus one which is my study hall my teacher is a lil weird but the kids are assholes except matt hes kewl we make jokes about the other kids and how we are going to run away one day. college stuff is getting better got my teacher papers and me and my councler are become new best friends since she is helping me put this shit together even though she really isnt my councler any way. my weekends are prob the best though specially with my field hockey girls omg its crazy they are some funny ass people. its the usual emily steph and cherry but they care CRAZY making me jump through car windows and driving all over creatation to waste time. then there are the kewl field hockey girls which is emily and laura who kidnap me all the time. i love school i feel like a dork saying it but its the only time im really happy and smiling its just my time to be me. well that could be after my hell of a weekend like friday went on a trip and was really happy then got sickish but then danny made me feel better by talking to me and dragging me out of my car to go to practice. sat had a S.A.T's AHHHH then a game which we got killed at called work and handed my 2 weeks notice in then went to lunch with emily and laura i went to cherry's for a soccer game but i locked my keys n my car so her fam drove us i no im dumb but that night my gramps was put in the hospital so i was just blah so emily and laura kidnapped me again till sunday then i went home then droved to the hospital to vist him but he had another attack so i couldnt go and see him so i drove home and did research stuff then had tutoring but it didnt last long cuz i just couldnt function so my weekend had its ups and downs. but im loving life though it is very stressful i have to write danny opening and do the poster if i dont KILL him first I LOVE U DANNY JONES LOL doing my profolio for art and thats getting old real fast but i have to get most of it done this weekend well i should be doing that now so ill go

if only it was only about rootbeer floats and sweet dreams

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 21:33:17 GMT

well summer is coming to an end and its a bitter sweet moment. summer was the best we partied, laughed to hard, had really amazing memories. i worked of course and met amazing people that are just to funny. i had softball and we got 2nd place out of our division i still believe we dont diserve it but whos going to fight it right? summer has been quiet amazing and im sad to see that it coming to an end but to just open up our senior year off good. field hockey has started and it has been crazy. my lungs seem to be only getting worse but thats my health for u. i love seeing the girls again i missed hanging out with all of them seem like years but its good to catch up again. my job is ok getting really old though im just to tired and when i get there i dont want to do anything but the people there are the sweetest.oh i have another where i teach a girl how to pitch she is the kewlest ever i make her work which she hates at times but we get alone which is really good. i still havent started my project for school yet i just cant get myself to do it but i did do parts of my photo project i have half a roll left then im done!! its weird that school starts in 2 weeks just seems like summer just started. i go into the hospital tommorow for test not really looking forward to that but cant let my fam no of that well i better be going gotta pick things up for practice

my heart is melting bc its raining acid

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 03:13:03 GMT

well im leaving tommorow for 2 weeks and i cant wait. well tommorow and saturday is my cousins wedding that im in so that should be interesting and fun. then saturday night driving up to wildwood were ill be there till next saturday, ill be home for only sunday where im working still but then off to virgina with cyo people. i cant wait to get away from union and take time off to have no worries or having any work for 2 weeks i think its about time to take some time off. when i get back i have about a week of time here then field hockey training is starting not really looking up to that but it will be good to see all the girls again maybe we can just forget about all the running lol yea like that would happen. well i have to get up early and till not done packing ill write when i get back maybe even photos

its like a single rose pedal floating down to crash on the ground

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 15:20:03 GMT

what can we really say about the summer that has so meaning.... well i have been working like crazy and i close so im there till 1030 at night which sometimes sucks but the people i work with are AMAZING!! they are always making jokes and dancing to the horriable music that plays in the store. and when im not working im at softball fields playing forever but that ends monday. i can not wait till bible school starts its going to be alot of fun and i finially get to see people who i havent seen in awhile. i made a lil fort in my computer room but mom doesnt like it so i have to take it down this is what i do 3am just to pass time. i have read way to much this summer and i need to start running for field hockey if i dont want to die in august. AUGUST cant wait im leaving for 2 weeks and im going to love everyday of it. no offense to u all love ya but i need to get away for a while and relax. oh yea i started another job im teaching this really kewl girl how to pitich she is really nice so this should be interesting. i want to throw a shindig so bad but i cant cause of work and everyone is working too maybe soon i have to do it soon it wouldnt be summer if we didnt right? maybe wednesday ill see what i can do.

i went to the docs i really hate going there u have no idea this guy was a new one and i tell him whats wrong and this is his responds " how old are u" me "17" asshole doctor " wow ur really unhealthy for that age theres is def something wrong" he was just determained to get me mad naming shit i dont no how to say or what they mean but all of them being diseases. so this asshole doctor put me on a striker diet and more meds like always. and is making me go to the hospital in late august cuz i havent live there long enough.

i want to be like thumbelina not even kidding she has the life everything is bigger in her life and she has a kewl bird friend named jacho and a prince to marry. and how perfect she becomes a fairy in the end. theres so much more to the story but thats a good over view like there is a mole, beetles, and a family show bussiness toads. i would love that i would be thumbelina and live out of a flower and be oh so happy.

i went shopping with my mom and we went crazy with the whole of idea of get whatever u want cuz i really did get alot of stuff and if u dont no me then u dont understand my crazy shopping habbits. like all i want to do now is shop but i have no more money to do that =( but i get my pay check soon so i will have no fear. lol ok im done babbling for a while im going to watch cry baby

what did u expect a perfect child

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 04:10:07 GMT

ok im being nudge to update i wont name any one ::cough KRISTEN cough :: well its summer which is a HUGE relief no more junior year that was offically hell i saw satan and everything. summer has had its good and bad moments though i have hanged with friends, gone to beached, hanged with family the ones i at least care for, softball, and worked. but things have also gone bad at times too but its summer right y dwell on it and ruin the whole idea of summer right? i cant believe its mid july already seems like its going to fast my last summer going into high school my last chance with everyone. my new saying is fuck it seems to be working with everything friends,health,family,sports,anything fuck it see i think it fits right in there. umm i really dont no what else to write right now ill just write another one tommorow LOVE

sing us a song ur the piano man

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 01:28:08 GMT

have u ever had the feeling to go up to someone and scream on top of your lungs. to never care what other people would say and just say what ever is on ur mind with no coniquences. god do i wish that where no matter what i said it didnt matter but i guess it would only cause problems later in life.

school is ending in 14 days and i am really counting down cuz i cant wait i will no longer be a junior and junior hell year would be offically OVER!!!!!!!!! im pretty sure the last day of school u will see juniors burning books lol we need this year to just end. bewteen school,grades,family,and friends we all need to be locked away for a lil and take weeks off for relaxation.

first thing im doing when school is over is party out on the beaches this summer will be the best ever. seeing some good old friends and meeting new ones and im planning on never being home n if i am home parting it up here cuz my pool is offically open!

I had the best weekend ever all i did was relax and went out the whole time friday i watched movies then went out with my cousins. Saturday slept till nikki called then cleaned and hanged on my bed then picked up marissa then went to nikki's to hang with them darah, celeste, and 3 other girls. went home about 12 and slept sunday went to the boys baseball game then out to lunch with steph, kristen, and martha which was amazingly fullness!! then danny came over for a lil and we ended up falling a sleep watching south park but it was the best weekend so relaxing which i havent done in a long time.

ok its offically this summer is going to be the best ever with all that i have to do i cant see anything making it bad ok i shouldnt say that but with all that is supose to happen i will enjoy my last summer before high school. the last summer i could see ALL of my friends before we go off to college and we will make sure it will be remembered!!!!

WOW this is the most i have ever writen but ill leave it here right now life sucks but its not that to shabby def can live with. not the best but not to bad either im just HAPPY for once all year lets enjoy y dont we lol bye loves

the beating of my heart keeps the time going

Sun, 21 May 2006 02:53:49 GMT

wow alot has happened with mostly everything...

school is almost over and you have no idea how happy i am about that since junior year started life has been basically just ment to fall apart. like they dont want to see u happy when u go through the halls u can tell who is a senior they are the one saying fuck this and yelling in the halls, sophmors are the one that feel content they are the happy ones enjoying everything, freshmen are the quiet starting to break through there shells, but us juniors are the sad ones we have the look of death in our eyes probably the ones in the halls floor having the biggest melt downs EVER!!!

friends are just not doing that well this year. it seems this year is ment to see who is ur real friend. who will stay at ur side when things go to hell and really its true i have finially notice who my real friends are and the ones that are just nice to get things from me or just "feel bad" for me when did things with people get so complicated when did it matter the brand u wore the music u listen to and who u hanged out with. i miss the times when u just went by how they treated u now even that is over rated. its like the song blurry " Everyone is changing there's no one left that's real to make up your own ending"

softball is just dragging on seriously it feels like it will never end we are 15 and 7 which isnt to bad but we lost 2nd round of counties which was probably more my fault then any and tuesday our states at our high school at 4 if u care to come please do but dont worry if u cant if we lose we get to go home and the season is over for us but who nos what will happen.

summer is coming and i dont think i could wait another day it seems that each day is another day closer to freedom where nights will be spent with friends the cool night will take control and we will be able to breath specially beign able to drive the road is for us to explore and lead us some where new

god if only things where like they were before it all went to hell

when paper hearts are just ripped in half

Sun, 07 May 2006 02:39:04 GMT

OMG!!! so0 today was my first round of counties and it was one of the greatest games we have ever played we held them 0-0 to the 7th and then we got the bases loaded and then scored which ended our game!!! we were so0o0o0o happy it was the best thing ever i only had 4 strike outs but we really played as a team it was great all day i was on cloud 9 for real just couldnt stop smiling all day danny,paulina,amanda,vanessa, sully, and paulina's friend came to the game which was great and ment the word to me that they came. i was so00oo nervouse through out the game but celeste took amazing care of me n calmed me down from going crazy so now we play again saturday at 7pm in crandford and if we play like we did today we really have a shot i cant wait. but after game i blast my music n my sully n amanda were dancing n laughing in the parking lot cuz i was so0o0 happy then called my sister to tell her about the game because she couldnt come and then i went home with my boo there waiting with a coolata for me because he is the greatest in the word we hanged a bit then he left met marissa for dinner and our families hanged tommorow me n daddy are putting my entertainment center in my room then im going to my second family's house for erica's thing which i cant wait this weekend was the greatest i couldnt imagine a better one my dad was so0o0o proud of me which is a BIG plus for me like nothing could ruin this feeling u could tell me im dying tommorow and it couldnt break this smile thats how big it is i no that like later this week ill come down from cloud 9 and see the shit i have to deal with but right now i just dont want to deal with the probs i have with people and school well im going to go n smile a bit more

when songs make u want to slit ur wrist

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:13:32 GMT

FUCK LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for real fuck it nothing is right anymore my family is barely holding together anymore and when we finially get together we just fight and i cant take it u braily hear i loves u i swear if they do they are just putting on an act for everyone around like wtf i was so0o0o00o happy as a kid yea we werent perfect but we would be good now since i have grown up its HELL!!!

softball is hell my coach doesnt learn when things are enough he makes us practice 24/7 and when we pass out and/or die we practice a lil more its never ending i ahve to be this person that im just not a person i really wish to never be but thats all they want now a days.

junior prom was cancelled so the softball team went out to dinner it was ok but i went home early but later on was sent back out to run errons for my mother which i was just getting mad about every time i would come she found another thing she needed so i would have to go back out saturday was my cousin bridal shower was LONG!!! but i got to watch tessa all day which was great later that night i went out with my lil sis caitie which was alot of fun she rented my favorite movie and everything for me it was great then sunday i went to the hospital to vist my grams for a lil then best buys and cleaned my house nothing big but its my usual weekend like always.

have u ever had the feeling to bash ur head in or drink till u cant remember ur name thats how i feel like if i could then i think this shit would be some what barable but i cant so it sucks but what ever i just hope that it gets better over time at least thats what every one is telling me well i have to write a paper for emma i better start bye

my suicidal dreams

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 02:21:19 GMT

ok ok ok first things first DANNY BOY i love u happy really belated birthday we r finially 17 and its just to weird to see each other all grown up nowing what will soon come next but ur the greatest ever and i love u i dont no what i would do with out u in my life im soo0o 0o0o lucky to have u in my life.

so0o spring break was interesting i cant take danny out to wendy's any more because the people that work there get mad at us because we r fat asses and slam the glass doors on me when i was trying to ask nicely for sauce

my softball girls are amazing omg i needed a night of fun and laughs and that night thats all we did from playing basketball being tortured to watch rent i hate that movie eating so0o0 much food it was alot of fun i love them so00o0o0o0o much even though we try to kill each other

i had softball of course and we did good i had a no hitter for one game and a perfect game for the other i was happy to get them they were my first for the high school so it was exciting like we didnt make a big deal but it was to me of course

i went out to cold stone 2 nights one with jackie and kristen and then another night with emily steph n asuka it was fun specially the bee attack i almost died since i have a deep fear in bees

went to the stations of the cross and sat with tina BIG mistake i thought i was going to get in trouble and alyssa which is the kewlest girl ever i love her but i never see her any more :(

spent time with some kewl cousins and my baby tessa who i love and adore she was the greatest for easter she made the kids table fun yes i got demoted they called it the girls table to make us feel better but it was just really bad

my friend came up from pa for the day and i hanged with him and another friend that i havent seen in a while and that was fun until we played pool n they killed me a 5 year old was doing better then me it was sad but i got over it so0o0 my cousins r up from flordia so i must hang with them cuz i love them i will write more later bye

when tears are hidden by the rain

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 05:12:46 GMT

to explain how i have been feeling would be just to hard it seems that this should be the end that the credits are ready to spin. school is just getting worse no matter what happens it just more of a hell each day i work so0o hard to show i can be a good student n then when i finially think i got it everything slips through my fingers.

i have a lot of stresses for no reason feeling of pain for no apparent reason i thought this was to end n get better i thought this was to be our year but yet again i have been mistaking to survive the reast of this year will be based on how well u can lie n how heartless u can be but to my family supposely im half way there

maybe this is just all in my head maybe its just time to get the hell out of here god only knows what will come next more fights more lies more pain thats all it is now i miss the games n the laughing hell i just miss smiling but until the sky turns green i still wear my mask with a special smile to say im just ok

sorry this is not a happy entry but its been a tuff week n alot going on it feels like im drowning in a larger ocean n no one will help me

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 15:28:15 GMT

so this has been the greatest weekend EVER!!! friday i had people come over to celebrate my birthday n we all hanged n it was basically the usual E-HA shindig the last person left at 1 so i had to wake up at 7 for my softball tournment at the high school where marissa made me a sign n all the girls were wishing me a happy birthday the only down part was i found out i pulled my pitching arm which is never good but its getting better later that night i went out to dinner with family n friends found out my rents stole my car n put in a cd player for me which i LOVE my brother got me things for my car then i passed out on my floor since my bed broke AGAIN!!! sunday i hanged went prom dress shopping n found a dress parking with my dad n went out with friends then headed home n watched movies today i had my road test which is the most nerve racking thing i was the first to go n i was so0o0 nervous but the guy was like u did good i failed one part no big deal n i got my lience im so0o0o0 HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!! i have to go back to school now cuz i have a game but ill write more later n danny if this isnt happy enough for u then u SUCK lol

when even breathing was just to much

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:55:23 GMT

this weekend was such a great weekend. i got to hanging out with danny n watch movies n order food n get mad at delivery people. let me tell u i will never do that. saturday i went out with sully darah celeste to applebees just hangin out talking about everything n of course me n sully fighting saying we hate each other like always. then marissa met with us later at my house n we just listen to music n made fun of everything. sunday i had church n some how ended up serving mass omg i was terrified i was shaking n didnt help i can see danny making fun of me. then i was with my grams i love that woman i drove her to the mall then pushed her around in a wheel chair but she wanted to strech n walk around so i tole the chair n was going everywhere. then she pushed me around it was alot of fun then she made fun of me n we sat on the benches in the mall n watch people pass i no it sounds lame n boring but it was actually alot of fun n being in the wheel chair u would never imagine the faces i got. then i brought her home because she was getting tired then i went to my mom's friends house i havent seen her in forever so i got to talk to her for a lil n went home n passed out.

softball has been really weird like my coach has been taking me out then putting me in and messing with my head alot i have no idea whats going on there anymore but when i do pitch i have been doing really good 1 to no walks n a good amount of strike outs its been good though hanging out with the girls again n fooling around with them again i really missed it i dont no what i will do next year when they all leave n graduate it makes me sad but we r going to do good this year n do our best i have 2 more games this week then a tornment on saturday on my birthday which im made about but its not to bad i get to spend it with people i love so its all good

oh n while talking to my dad since me n him get along the best in my family my dad was being weird n he turned to me n goes erin why dont u take a razor n cut urself. WTF!!!!!!!!!! i was like what was going through ur mind that thought that was ok to say to me like i smacked him n was like ur an asshole i hope u no ever since me n him have been ehh but he helps me when my mom goes crazy on me which is every day never missing a beat dont get it i will be good n help out for the whole day but she finds a penny on the floor then im the biggest disgrace EVER!! i cant win no matter what i do i dont get it n my brother is just there basically never around to help but when is he turns to be the biggest jerk i no but whatever it will get better right? yea in my dreams

ill stop n start some of my work n sleep

Boy I was just to deaf to hear my heart breaking

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 21:52:54 GMT

well this week wasnt to much fun because we had the hspa's to deal with and then the lovely softball tryouts. which may i add made varsity starting pitcher yay!!!! im so excited but really nervouse im the only junior n sometimes its hard to relate to my team which are basically seniors n some sophmores. our first scrimmage is monday n im just worried about messing up n ruining everything for them.

then in school we had hspa n if no one nos im a lil slow with learning n test taken comes with my learning disabilty but the one thing im not good in is word problems in math n thats all that was on it basically so knowing my luck i probably failed god i hope not. i found out that one of my greatest teacher was to no longer teach me but teach the honor kids but she was the one teacher that finially understood me n new how to help n now im stuck with a guy that does NOTHING!!!!

life has just been weird n depressing i cant even tell u but im just getting sad n blah over the weirdest things like nothing any more makes me happy or im just not ment to be happy no matter how hard i try its all falling apart im hoping once junior year is over everythign will pick up again but it probably wont i just wish something GOOD would happen for a lil bit

now i have to go clean this house n car before i go out or my family will lock me in here

the week from hell

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 22:04:34 GMT

so this has been the longest week i swear its just never ending. school has been insane everytime i turn around things are just going wrong either with people or school or family. like to day was a lil better cause my dad took me out of school early so i didnt have to deal with anything then i went to work with him at a job which is my friends house n found out she had no school so i hanged out with since i havent talk to her in some time. it was really good talking to her again but of course dad called me down stairs to pack the truck n head home. i have softball try outs tommorow n i have no care to go or even play like im just tired n rather stay home n sleep but i well i got to do it BLAH!! im hoping this whole weekend i wont be home n out so i wont have to deal with anything but knowing my luck i will have to stay home grr... well on good news i have 23 days till my BDAY n 25 till my lience im so excited well ill stop here love all

yea im a LIVEJOURNAL girl now

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 18:25:43 GMT

because kristen decided that im in need of a livejournal i agreed but she would have to help for im just no good with things like this n of course when its up to kristen i just agree with everything n let her do things for me but im not really sure what im saying so im just going to go on about my weekend i had a art gallory openning on friday with one of my pieces in it n that is to weird have people around me look at my art n just talk about it my rents were so happy at least till my brother told them my mistakes n explained how bad they were then it seemed i was the worst person in the world then i had softball n hanged out n now im letting kristen make this thats about it